This is me.


I’m getting so tired of everyone in my life telling me what I’m doing wrong, what I need to do to fix my life yadda yadda yadda.
Surprise.
I actually am really happy with my life and the only thing I would want to change is other people telling me what to do. I have my road to travel, I want everyone to back of and let me travel my way and at my pace.
I can’t make everyone happy. I’m sorry. I’m not a miracle child, I don’t have super human powers, and most importantly I am NOT perfect.
The conclusion I have come to (much to the dismay of others) the only person I can truly make happy is myself. I’m not here to make others happy so there you go.

I may be messing up my life more than I know, or I may be making some sort of change doing God knows what. So please. Let me be myself for a while.

On another note, I think too much, care too much, worry too much, and love to much.

Issue 1: Thinking
When something is bothering me I can’t seem to stop thinking about it, I worry (refer to issue 3) it will bother me for days (very unhealthy) and I can’t get it off my mind, it will literally make me sick to my stomach. (I also don’t like knowing others are upset at me, creating issues with thinking).

Issue 2: Caring
I have this deep issue that I can’t seem to get past, when I care for someone in my life it goes deeper than caring. I love that person with a passion. Not in that creepy way that’s like ‘ooh I love you’. It’s that I would go through anything to help you out, I would do whatever it takes to make sure your okay. Even to the point of taking care of others more than myself (not healthy).

I can’t do that anymore. Want to know why? To other people it doesn’t matter that if you care that deeply, if it’s not benefiting them why does it matter? Not good when all your wanting is that friend to actually be there and be a friend to you too.

Issue 3: Worry
I worry about others. Yes I do realize that I make way more than my allotment of mistakes. Me worrying makes me think about whatever it is that is worrying me. I begin to obsess. But I worry so much about others that GAHH. Moving on.

Issue 4: Love
When I love someone I love them from my core being. Refer to Issue 2. The reason this is an issue is because it creates all the above effects.

The Conclusion:
I should become a heartless uncaring person. One with no emotions. No feelings. No nothing.
Because the alternative is me stressing more than I should about other people, than can stress about themselves, for themselves.
This is me. Trying to decide who I should be cause apparently who I am isn’t good enough now.

I feel a little less stressed. And apologize to the few who decide to follow this blog.
End vent.

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One thought on “This is me.

  1. :) you are perfect yes i said perfect the way you are thats why mac is with you thats why you 2 are engaged and can put up with the things youve been through. dont worry about others if your happy the ones that believe in you and really care about you will follow the rest dont matter. if they dont follow they dont need to be there, i got lots of love for you both im praying for you guys yes i said it i am praying for you :) smile its gods free present to everyone

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