A reflection of 2012

Looking over this last year brings me to tears.
I look over the last year, and like everyone it’s had its ups and downs.
I’ve received bad news, and celebrated good news.
Had my highs and my lows.
I’ve had many tears, and much laughter.
Married my best friend, gained family, and am closer to mine on unexpected levels.
I’ve struggled and I’ve persevered.
I have made it through one of the hardest years I’ve had yet, and I’m proud to say I’m still here.
I am interested and looking forward to living the future.
And honestly it’s nothing I’ve ever said before.
For me it’s always be so unknown that looking forward to it isn’t exactly exciting.
Yes sometimes the good and the bad can outweigh each other,
But this time I decide not to let that get in the way.
I have a future worth looking forward to.
I have answers.
I have an amazing friend and companion standing beside me,
I have family,
Helping me through everything that is good and bad in the world.
I get to look forward to my husband,
Kids, having my own family.
Which if you know me is the most exciting thing for me.
I have enough answers that I’m at the point I get to look forward to a ‘normal’ life.
And this is the best thing I could have of all.
This year has been hard.
Yes.
But it has been the best gift I could have been given.
I hope to remember it as such in my future.

Lost in thought

I find myself getting lost in my own thoughts more, and more these days.
And not in the typical daydream sort of way, but more like Inception or lost in a Matrix of my making. I know that sounds nerdy but it is what it is. And now I’m not up to sharing my thoughts, mainly because I am still forming them. But lets just say ‘Life inside my head is interesting at the current moment’.
I know as far as blogging goes I’ve been really hit and miss.
And I have lots of excuses for not writing much lately.
But the truth is, I’ve lost my Inspiration. I need to find it again.
Maybe now that Dr.’s are on the right path (cause I haven’t said that before), I will relax, start feeling better, and have the motivation to work on some projects, or even write about the ones I’ve done this last summer. I may not have written about my DIY projects but I have still been doing them. I have just failed in posting about it.
It will happen I promise.
From my Button wedding bouquet, to my homemade Rake wineglass rack. I’ll show you what and how I’ve done it in due time.

If you don’t feel letting getting a load of TMI don’t read the rest of this post.

The Doc thinks he found out what has gone on deep, deep inside. There are a few ‘phases’ we’re going through for ‘treatment’. Basically he found that I have Fibromyalgia (which we already sort of knew), and an autoimmune disorder (which has been left nameless), which has caused a jumble up of problems. Currently (phase one) we are taking care of Candida (mainly because The Good Doc says the Candida is leaking into my bloodstream {which doesn’t sound good to me} so that is first on our list of ‘To Dos). Next (phase two) we are going to take care of Crohns (which from my understanding and I could be totally wrong, caused the hole the Candida is getting through), hopefully not through surgery, but we’ll see, and then maintaining it (since you’re never really cured from Crohns). Then (phase three) we will address the cause of these problems, figuring out how to keep them from recurring, finding a balance in life and making sure this disorder doesn’t go after something else.
So if I post recipes they are more than likely going to be all crunchy and green organicness. Super Duper Healthy.
Whoopy.
And there you have it folks. I’m done for the day.
Hopefully soon to follow a nice handy-dandy DIY project.

You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone…

A common saying, yes.
It’s so hard to step back and look at your life in a different perspective.
I like to watch my life as a movie.
We are all starring in our own show,
Whether it be a sitcom, comedy, drama, tragedy, action.
It is all a mystery, up till the end.
What do you want to leave behind?
A go to favorite, worth watching over and over,
Or a dud, worth only a one time view?
I know I’ve written about taking time to enjoy what we have.
Living in the moment.
How often do we really listen to words of wisdom,
Following through on well-meant actions?How often do you sit and just remember?
Not in the dwelling on your past fashion,
But in the looking at a picture album fashion.
Life.

My cure for a bad mood

This is going to be short,
But short and sweet can be good.

Sometimes I have bad moods.
And today’s was one of those nothing was going right so I was in a crappy mood.
The weather has changed like five times a day and I haven’t been on pain meds which means my daily pain levels are through the roof, which makes me not a fun person to be around, and it seemed like rude customer day to top things off.
As the day kept going the mood was getting worse in leaps and bounds.
And all I could think was ‘I need to shake out of this as soon as possible’.
How does one shake a mood in the middle of the day when you  have to keep going? Besides the obvious answers? (prayer, Bible, coffee, laughter…)
The one thing I have found that works best for me, almost without failure is Dundundun….
Planning and doing something nice for someone else.
There is nothing like the incredible feeling of making another persons day better.
Do something nice for someone. It’ll make you feel better.
End of story.

Down the trail with the rabbits

Sometimes I ask myself these questions that start me on a rabbit trial of thoughts.
Tonight’s question that started my mind wandering (and I felt I for some reason I should share) was;

Do I Anna McCarthy take myself seriously as a writer?

And the rabbit trail began.
Of course I don’t.
Well then why don’t I?
Ummm Gee maybe because I don’t take myself seriously?
Maybe I don’t take my talents seriously?
Why don’t I take my talents seriously?
Why don’t I take myself seriously?
Is it because I’m young?
Or view myself as too young?
Well maybe because there’s too much talent out there?
And no way to really measure how large your talents is.
Well man what do you do to find out?
How can one ever tell?
What causes insecurity?
Why do we let it control us so much?
Why do we let insecurities create fear in ourselves?
Yammer yammer yammer goes my brain as I try to wind it down so I can sleep…

There is just too much dang talent out there for our own good, is the conclusion.

Overcome By Laziness

It’s a long weekend.
Yippee!
Right?
Totally. I get to relax and wind down. Which I have looked forward to a lot the last week or two.
And the perfect part was it was raining! I couldn’t have been more excited to curl up with tea, popcorn, and movies galore.
I rush home from work and clean the entire apartment so I can just enjoy myself.
No stress over the weekend. Just relaxing.
Today comes (day one) sleep in, and am delivered breakfast in bed, I take my time getting up.
I finally work my way out of my dungeon of a bedroom.
And once again the weather forecast was horribly wrong.
Sunny and nice?
Not fair.
Now I am overcome with the feeling of utter laziness. So now instead of being cozy all bundled up, I feel guilty.
I can’t decide what to do with my nice long weekend…
Waste the sunshine and relax, or go out and be active no longer feeling guilty.

And this was my frustrated ramblings at the weather.

I’m no Superman

As I sit here just trying to wind down from a long week I keep hearing these lyrics floating around my head:

‘Well, I know what I’ve been told
You’ve got to work to feed the soul
But I can’t do this all on my own
No, I know
I’m no Superman’

And that pretty much sums up how I feel half the time,
Yes there are days I feel accomplished, and on top of my world.
But most days I feel like I can’t keep up.
Can’t keep my head above water with everything that comes at me.
We all have our own struggles in life,
And we all have our ups and downs (some more than others).
Right now I feel like I’m in that stalled out stage.
Just waiting.
I’ve taken big steps in my life to carry out my goals.
But now I’m waiting for the light to turn green so I can start plugging along to the next phase in my life.

Getting personal.
My Dr.’s have been at a stalled out point on my medical treatment, which was extremely discouraging.
You aren’t supposed to be tired and in pain, not wanting to do anything all summer. Lame.
So I had to go and make some changes.
Needless to say sometimes I feel like I’m supposed to get more done in a day, do better at being a wife,
try harder at being productive in day-to-day activities.
I have to remind myself,
I’m not of the superhuman type.
There are limitations in life that keep you from being your perfect self.

You aren’t required to be Superman.

 

 

 

Post Wedding

I am absolutely horrible.
I have been totally missing, and failing at writing.
Goodness me.
Lets see.
The wedding went well, almost without a hitch, well.
A few to make the wedding day entertaining.
I forgot my wedding vows at home, and after spending the morning memorizing them, could hardly remember a thing…
Thankfully I had emailed them to a friend, so was able to find them.
My now husband was getting the rings ready and set out, thought my ring was missing and in the process of checking to see dropped it under the deck. When he squatted down to pick it up, he split his pants from his crotch to his knee.
Besides all that everything else went off without a hitch.
There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, no breeze chilling you, and it was the perfect temperature.
We were surrounded by people who loved, cared, and supported us which made it a perfectly amazing day.
Full of many amazing memories, I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing day.
Some people would think differently, I was lacking a huge audience looking on, no bridesmaids, or groomsmen, flower girls, or ring bearers. But was surrounded by our parents and a few family members.
The reception was small as well, only family and our closest friends. What more could one need.
Here in the next few weeks I’ll write-up a few DIY‘s I created while adding my special touches to the wedding, and reception.
I’m so sorry it took such a long time for me to stop being ‘brain dead’. But I feel as though I am on the mend.
Of course after we move into our new apartment… In roughly a week.

Ahhh

To any of my ‘readers’ if any of you are left.
I apologize.
I feel as though I have entirely neglected my writing in all manners of the practice.
Life has been.
Interesting lately and I will attempt to start writing more often, but it may not actually happen until after the wedding, which is getting extremely close the official countdown is at 24/23 days depending on the way you count.

Wasted Time

What is it about us humans that causes us to waste so much time?
Sitting around watching TV doing nothing.
Not spending time or talking with the ones we love and care about the most.
Losing moments that could have been.